once yours

finally spoke after seven years and all the memories are rushing to my head

My presence is my biggest enemy most of the time. I hate the way she looks, the way she acts, her messy hair, the dry patches. There’s always something to operate on, something to fix.

If it’s not one thing, it’s another between me and her. I make doctor’s appointments to make her straighten up. A new prescription means something new to hate. I walk, I diet, I sleep. But the resentment is there. I can’t run from it.

Until visions of you and I come to the front of my mind, your dark skin next to my pale body. Black hair with gray spread throughout next to my medium brown. The perfect contrast of our unique selves. Your hands and mouth marking your favorite parts of me.

The reminders make me grateful for my body, but for just a moment. It’s never permanent but knowing that you once held it like your trophy allows for a momentary truce between her and I. Each phase, I grow a little fonder of my body.

How could I hate a body that you used to love?